Tuesday, May 5, 2015

This has turned in to a bitchin' blog...

My ex-sister-in-law is a horrible person.  She is manipulative, unkind, disrespectful, childish, intolerant and fake.  To put it simply she has a fundamental social development.  Socially inept.  She loses friends like I lose my keys.  If she doesn't like who you are or what you do she flicks you to the side and pretends you don't exist.  Honestly, in my late teens and very early 20's I was like her.  Thanks to proper social development and therapy I am long and far past that.  Where I am tolerant of differences she is intolerant.  You MUST do things her way or you simply do not exist and she manipulates everyone she meets.  According to my psychiatrist-she is in the realm of a personality disorder and I tend to agree.  She is abusive....she scares everyone around her and even manipulated someone because I called her a cunt!  I shouldn't even be giving her space or thought, but she traumatized me with her atrocious behavior and manipulation.

She does photography and sucks like shit.  I just want to shake her and say, "you are really bad at this!".  I want to tell everyone that knows her what a horrible person she really is.  It's so funny how she has manipulated her husband in to thinking he can't live without his trophy wife who isn't really a trophy at all.

She had an alcoholic father which is part of the reason she is the way she is.  It is funny how children of alcoholics seem to fit into specific categories....she fits into the "hero" category.  She pretends to be the perfect person...always painted up like a hooker and pretending to people.   She pretends to be the "perfect child".  She falsely "saves" her family members while all the time flicking them to the side at her leisure.  She has nothing to do with half her family because of her backward personality and intolerance to difference.

She scares the shit out of her mother-in-law.  Her mother-in-law is so afraid to do even one thing wrong in the case that this awful person would keep her grandchildren from her.  How sick is that?

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact, regardless of the strides I have taken in the past 8 years I've got a long way to go to true mental health.  I'm taking huge strides these days though and can tolerate so much more deep therapy then I could 2 years ago.  I will say that I'm intolerant to stupidity though.  If you're doing something stupid, I'm probably irritated by it and have often (in the past) told you about it and once...more recently.  But in my defense..if there is a possibility that a child is being abused I will be an advocate for that child and call social services if I get even a hint of abuse.

Back to my horrible ex-sister-in-law.  I bet she's fucking up her children the same way she is fucked up.  I laugh at that.  It is so predictable.  This has been cathartic and I feel like I can brush my hands of her and say, "thank fucking god!" that I no longer have to be around her.  I'm so much better off around more mentally healthy people.  I am so thankful that I am no longer married and subjected to my ex-in-laws.   She was completely forgotten until something reminded me yesterday of her and I just had to write this blog post to get it all out there.  Maybe someday I will make it known how horrible she is.  Pull of the sheet of pretend behavior.  Ahhhhh, yeah!!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

I...just....don't...get...it...

ok everyone has heard me babble about being an INTJ.  Old news, boring news but there is something particular to us that is pretty set in stone and that is the fluidity of our opinions and our ability not to judge people or press our opinions on them (although they may wrongly assume we are doing so).

My point is that I ran across a woman, tthat I won't even link to, who is an INTJ and has a way skewed opinion of abortion.  WHAT??  I know, I know, I said the same thing.  She had posted inaccurate myths about it and explained that women regret and suffer from abortion.  Which, BTW is a heck of a lot safer than carrying to term.  But aside from that who is she to tell me I am damaged for the one I had?

I was 18, unintentionally pregnant. Read: NOT accidentally as he didn't just fall into my vagina.  As it turns out the pull out method is NOT the most reliable.  Hmmm, lesson learned.  So the first person I call is my local bff- Planned Parentood.  I was smart and scheduled my appointment three weeks out in order to "make sure" I was making the right choice although there was no doubt in my mind.  So I pretended to contemplate and ask people's opinions and I think I did that just to get a rise out of them as I was not conflicted in any way.  I know, this was maddeningly brutal to people.

But anyhow I knew right away what was going to happen because I knew from the age of 16 that I never wanted any kids and still (at 35) don't have any and never will.  It would be very unfair to bring a child into my drama of a life and I would keep it a hermit like myself and while I truly understand how to raise a child well it would just be inhumane.

So the day comes and I head off for my abortion.  I don't feel nervous or sad just bored because it was going to be a long day.  First I have an ultrasound and lab work then it's a visit with a licensed counselor where I endured the regular questions.  Why was I there today, had I thought about my options, did my partner know (yes) was he supportive (yes again) and then she explained the procedure in thorough detail.  Next was the waiting period for the actual procedure.  I got in there all undressed and covered up at which time a nurse practitioner came in to do a pap and then more waiting.  When the doctor came in I found her distant and gruff which I now know is the mark of a very intelligent physician (ahem,, all introverts are smarties).  So 5 minutes and lots of cramping (thanks for pain meds though) and it was all done.  Finally!  Can I go home now I thought?

Moral of the story....no regret, no sadness, no depression not one single day.  At my follow up visit three weeks later the form asks how I felt about this experience and my response was "fine".

For some women this decision is so much harder than it was and still would be for me (and in no way am I meaning to minimize that) but studies show no lasting emotional effects from abortion whether you had one and you have no kids or 10.  And don't be fooled by the lies, no one uses abortion as a birth control.  That would be waaaay more expensive than any other method.  So now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.  Thanks for reading and feel free to leave questions but if you don't have science on the side of a negative comment then shut the fuck up.

Cheers!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Now let me explain here now....

So I put that I'm a SAHM in my profile and to me, I am.  But to be completely honest I'm a stay at home mom to two beautiful, sweet and loving pups.  I know, it may seem like a lie but I love them like they were children (only they're more awesome).  And studies are showing that it is possible to love an animal with the intensity that people love their children.

So I feel vindicated in saying that I'm a stay at home mom because I stay at home-except when I HAVE to go out- and take care of little human like things I love.

Lets just say that I'm of the non-overpopulation group in the world.  My boyfriend and I are too happy where we're at now to have kiddo's.  I'm far too selfish and he's far too "kids drive me nuts".  So when we die we'll leave whatever is left of our investments to a college or non-profit we love and have a bench dedicated to us.  We're planning well enough to have plenty of money to take care of ourselves when we get old.  That's a question people often ask or rather state..as in "well who's going to take care of you when your old then!".  Us, through smart planning.....by spending our lives debt free and investing as much as we can.  That's how we're going to take care of us when we need it.  Heck, we'll get way more money when we retire than we even spend a month now!

So don't worry...we've got all our bases covered, we're happy and settled quite staunch like in our decision.  Now it's just time to have FUN!!!

Like at Disney World kind of fun which is where we're going next month.  Yup!  I said Disney World, last minute trip at the best time to visit the park.  Least amount of people, smallest lines, cheapest hotels, etc, etc.  Tim's so excited he could skip.  While I'm excited too I'm a little worried I'll overwhelm myself with all the whirly gigs and what's a whizzles around me.  I'll just have to practice some self care. Right???  Right then.

Cheers!

Monday, January 5, 2015

Whatever Bitch...

I find this cross stitch pattern absolutely delightful!  Many people call me a bitch (using it in a negative way) but you know what....I OWN that word, I AM that word and not in the negative way but in the positive way.  I talked with my therapist about it and told her how I felt about it and who had recently called me a bitch and she supported how I felt stating that in a healthy family system bitch is not a bad thing.  It means one is assertive, courageous, honest, calls it like she see's it plus we set healthy boundaries that we don't let people cross even though they don't like it.  Her example was a family meeting where the "bitch" is not present and someone says "gosh, I wish Christy were here because she would tell us what we need to hear.  I appreciate her perspective"

So here's to your inner bitch, may you use it only for good, may you OWN it and respect those who are my fellow bitches!  Hooray for us!!!!

For some more fun snarky cross stitch patterns check out Subversive Cross Stitch by Julie Jackson.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Hmmm, 5 Lane round-a-bout you say????


video
Hilarious....absolutely, delightfully, hilarious.  The famous 5 lane round a bout in Paris as we are leaving the city.  Truthfully I give my brother maaaad props for even driving in Paris.  It's one big cluster fuck (pardon my French).  We saw people get sideswiped and just keep driving like nothing happened and there were NO parking spots anywhere.  It seemed like everyone was driving their cars but they also seemed to be parked in every..available...parking spot in the city.  We ended up in a lot about a half mile from our hotel, so not too shabby.

I'm sitting here, as blogger says it's uploading my video but is it REALLY?  There's no indicator and it could just be stuck and how would I know?  Oh my uncensored mind is not for the faint of heart.
Lets see if I can REALLY confuse blogger and try to upload another video.  This time of my little kitty niece Lefty purring up a love infused storm.
video
Hope the videos work OK.  I suppose I'll just check them when I'm done.  They really are quite nice.

So one of my favorite things in Belgium is the way people drive.  There isn't any of the passive aggression that Americans have.  The left lane is solely for passing.  If you are in the left lane passing and someone comes up behind you that person gets to the right and lets the left passer pass.  It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.  It made me so happy to see and I wish we Americans could figure out how the left lane really works.  It was pa-retty sweet I tell ya.

So now that I have a few blog posts under my belt I'm wondering if my sense of humor is being perceived as it's intended.  I hope someone will comment and let me know what they think about that...and GO!!

Cheers!




Thursday, January 1, 2015

It's a brand new year and maybe a brand new you!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!  It's a wonderful 20 degrees in Minnesota today.  I wouldn't have it any other way though as I love cold weather.  I think it's part of my "safety cocoon" as my therapist would say.  Whatever the reason, it makes me happy.

Do you make New Years Resolutions?  I don't really believe in making them as change doesn't just happen overnight but slowly, over a long period of time.  However, I certainly won't hold it against you if you make them and I sincerely hope they work well for you.

Some things I'd like to accomplish this year are to sew more clothing with prints.  Lose at least 50 lbs and if anyone has any suggestions for treating night eating I'd love to hear them, it's the only reason I'm fat at this point as my eating during the day is clean and sparse.  Yet another difficult share there...
I would like to pick up the sewing business a bit as it forces me to step outside of my comfort zone and I absolutely LOVE designing my own pattern for things and custom fitting them.  Although I don't think I'd ever be ready to design my own patterns for public release it sure is fun to do them for a certain client.  Right now my challenge is to make lined curtains for a favorite client.  I really need to get them done before we go to Florida because she and I trade sewing work for doggie daycare/boarding and that would help immensely in our Florida budget.  Not to complain because they are taken care of so well and have other furry kiddo's to play with all day but their "hotel" is almost the same price as ours for the week.  So chop chop on the curtains I say.

Another thing I'd like to accomplish is to become more tech savvy.  I'm not quite sure how I'm going to accomplish this.  I'm not sure if I should look for a good book or learn by trial and error but it's the simple things like designing my own banners or changing the design on this blog, which I HATE by the way, or just adding bling to it.  I mean, can I do everything in Pages on my Mac?  See, that's one of those trial and error things.

I started a program at my local college for advertising and design but I found that I really, really hate advertising and there was no way I was getting through that program without learning to love it.  However, I missed out on the design aspect.  I've been thinking about taking a class in design there but it's a little far away from my home and going 5 days a week would get expensive in gas.  I know, excuses, excuses!

Long blog post, I'll stop there for now and hope you have a wonderful New Years Day and know I'll be thinking about you all!

Cheers

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

You're ON!!!!!!

I've been dared to do a Top 5 by Gillian at Crafting a Rainbow and I've chosen to do the Top 5 things you don't know about me in order to introduce myself properly.


  1. I'm completely social networking inept.  I'm going to learn as I go and I hope to learn a lot because I'm pretty straight and narrow right now.  I've got to be honest and also share that I'm just socially inept period.  Really.....totally....
  2. I'm incredibly intuitive to the point that it's bad.  I notice things about people that they aren't ready to admit or confront.  I get in trouble as people don't focus on the positive things I feel and notice, only the difficult ones.
  3. I've been married and happily divorced.  Great guy but not for me.  I'm OK with it!
  4. I've been in therapy for 8 years and suffer from mental health issues that are completely stabilized.  No embarrassment over mental health issues as many people suffer from them.  Sad thing is that they are the result of my childhood which wasn't so pretty.  Good thing is that I have an absolutely awesome healthcare team taking care of me and I work and have worked really hard to get better.
  5. I have ADHD.  Weird as an adult as most cases of childhood ADHD resolve by the time kids are 18.  I was analyzed and diagnosed by an expert in ADHD and that's the first we thought about me having it.  My life is sooooo much better having it treated.  It's hard to follow instructions in a pattern if it's untreated and you can't understand the steps and you have to read them 5 times and you feel like a dummy but you're really NOT.  You forget things all the time, you have to document your life on a calendar, which I STILL have to do.  Ive been called out many times for my poor memory.  I can't help it though!
That's my Top 5 which is uncomfortably revealing but in some ways cathartic.  If you have any questions or comments about anything I've said please feel free to contact me.  I'm always happy to help in any way I can!

Cheers!